Keeping busy

Today is my last Friday in the United States for the time being and I’m spending it on the couch- wrestling with setting up this website.

I feel like *maybe* I’m not taking full advantage of my last Friday here. I feel like I really haven’t been doing too much the past couple weeks actually. Well maybe not physically. I haven’t been filling my time running around town seeing everyone I wanted to see, eating the food I’ve missed the past few years, hiking, running, swimming, soaking it all up- but my brain’s been working pretty hard.

All my life I’ve been really hard on myself, and the last few years I’ve been fixated on trying to do more- go outside more, make more friends, see friends more, work more on my hobbies, monetize those hobbies, and spend more time away from electronics. Most of us, myself included, use social media in a meticulous way. We only posting the most beautiful, photogenic parts of our lives. I know this and I actively DO this, yet I see my friends having gorgeous dinner parties, moving up in their careers, having loving, healthy relationships and I feel like I’m not doing enough with my life. I don’t think I’m not the only one who feels this, maybe you even look at my social media and think this!

It makes me feel that my life is a lot more mundane. I lost my job unexpectedly in the middle of January and decided to just not get another one (a story for another time) so gained way too much time on my hands. A large part of the last few months I’ve spent alone relaxing, scrolling TikTok, and watching YouTube videos about projects I have no idea when I’d ever pursue but I’ve spent the other part of that time deep in research, consuming everything I could find about traveling the world.

On the road

It felt so far away in mid January when I shifted in my seat in the hushed Douglass-Truth library in Seattle that I was hanging out in a lot around that time, pulling the trigger on a ticket deal I found on a one way flight to Bangkok from LAX with the catch being it would be an epic 28 hours of travel. But that day is now practically here where I’ll actually have to make the epic journey- up to Los Angeles from San Diego, to Tokyo, to Singapore, and finally to Bangkok two days later. And after all the endless research, preparation, and second guessing I think I’m ready to face whatever happens!

I left Seattle on April 2nd saying goodbye to my best friend KD, jumping in my truck, hitting a no parking sign while turning around, and crying as I drove away. I kept crying on and off until I passed Tacoma!

My journey from Seattle down to San Diego was mostly uneventful but definitely “Instagramable”. I was lucky enough to have been able to crash with friends most nights. I slept on floors and couches and cooked dinner in three different apartments. It was comfortable and I’m blessed to have friends who take me in on a short notice with not a lot of planning.

That being said, my nights spent in my truck were not what I would call comfortable. The zipper on my sleeping bag broke a while ago and I hung onto it wanting to repair it but I never did. So I finally gave it away right before I left Seattle. I camped in the back of my truck on a neighborhood street in the little town at the base of Mt. Shasta. It dipped below freezing that night and all I had was my comforter and my will to survive. I put on every layer I brought with me and curled up in a ball but couldn’t get warm at all. I didn’t get much sleep that night but I survived.

My last night I parked in a quiet neighborhood in Santa Barbara not far from the beach. It was a lot warmer and I slept a lot better… until someone opened my back hatch at about four in the morning. I had a cover up so I couldn’t see the guy but I woke up immediately and let out a confused “Hey???”… I don’t think he was expecting anyone to be in the car he was breaking into. He dropped the hatch and shuffled away. Honestly I was a lot less shaken than I should have been. I jumped in the front, moved a couple blocks, and slept for a few more hours.

The daytime activities were a lot more safe and fun! I hiked pretty much every day meandering down the coast. I played in the snow up in the mountains of Oregon. I visited three hot springs (that were all very different temperatures) and soaked. There were many beautiful, tear inducing drives, and I listened to hours and hours of podcasts and music.

Counting the days

Even though I wanted to do more I’m thankful for the past few weeks I’ve had back in San Diego. I’ve still been able to savor moments and experiences I’m not sure when I’ll have again.

It’s not that I won’t be able to hike to the beach or lay in the sun or jump in the ocean in Thailand. It’s probably going to be a big chunk of what I do! But it won’t be the beaches and the ocean I know. The Pacific Ocean feels like home and I’ve stayed near it most of my life. I’m not super religious but it does feel religious to me to dunk my head under the water and get tossed around by waves. I’ve been one of the only people swimming the times I’ve went to the beach because it isn’t really the season when people like to swim in San Diego, but coming from my time in Seattle I can handle it. If I can plunge in Lake Washington in the winter I can bodysurf on overcast beaches during April in Southern California.

I’ll miss it! But it’ll always be there if I want to return. My heart is open to a new spiritual experience in the warm waters on the coast of Thailand and in the waterfalls. I’m excited to be surrounded by people speaking a language I don’t understand much of and to be far away from America. It’s almost surreal I’m leaving in four days but my body and my mind are ready.

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This is the first post on this new website I just set up in preparation to write about my travels. I’m going to document my personal experience and share lots of photos! Specifically excited to experience what it’s like to travel to certain places as a trans man because it’s been really difficult to find information online and find answers to my questions. As I learn more I want to also be able to create travel guides for you based on my first hand experiences! Please feel free to share any thoughts, suggestions, or whatever! I’m excited to have this blog and place to share with you all!