I’ve spent the last three weeks traveling around Laos. It’s been a crazy three weeks in a country with layers I am peeling back. I kicked it off sailing down the Mekong, drunk and dancing, eating sticky rice and dried pork. The day after we beached in Luang Prabang, I was hit with food poisoning (Again!) and it’s up there competing for the sickest I’ve felt in my whole life. I’ve swam in blue waters, biked over muddy country roads, and ate the spiciest food of my life. It’s the adventure of my lifetime, and I’ve seen things I could have never imagined, but my wonder and excitement are equally matched by a layer of weariness.

COMFORT AND DISCOMFORT

In my last post I circled around the idea of “comfort”. The kind of comfort and security I felt in Thailand is gone. Laos was the answer to my prayers… for discomfort. There’s a (murky) line between the vacationers and the backpackers. Between holiday and “the trip”. I think that comfort is the scale that divides these things. I’m exploring my personal capacity for discomfort.

I rode a bus from Thakhek to Pakse for over 10 hours covering what was only a 335 kilometer/208 mile journey, sharing a bed with a European man, pressed into an uncomfortable awkward position half laying down half sitting up. On the public buses in Laos, you don’t always get a seat, you climb into a small bunk that you have to share with someone. If you’re a solo traveller that means you’re sharing a (twin sized) bed with a stranger. I had heard about these kinds of buses but didn’t realize that I had booked one until I got on. I read an (amazing) book cover to cover then, tried to listen to music with shit cell service, and spent some time reflecting on the craziness of the past few weeks in Laos. A mix of awe and struggle.

I explored the French colonial architecture of Luang Prabang. Listened to Lao folktales and music. Climbed up mountains to temples. Had delicious coffee, sandwiches, and noodle soups. Drank lots of the best beer in Asia, Beerlao. Learned about the impact the US had on Laos by bombing the country heavily during the [Vietnam] war, and how it still impacts the way things are today. Was welcomed with open arms by Lao people many times, to dance, to drink, eat, and chat. Most recently, I completed 300km on a motorbike around the Bolaven Plateau- life changing.

Things have also been rough though. The sweat mixing with sunscreen always running into my eyes. Biking through mud and sludge, and rolling through the dust as clumps of mud fly off my wheels into my eyes, nose, and mouth. Pulling the lid off my iced coffee to scoop a floating ant out with my fingers. Scratching at my ankles red and bumpy with mosquito bites. Stepping halfway into my shoes to run out of the bus into the brush and pee, pants half down and ass out. Moving back and forth between laying on the tile bathroom floor and heaving lime green bile into the toilet. Making my way through a hospital, delivering another backpacker with dengue fever her all her things while she lays on a hard plastic-y mattress with no sheets hooked up to an IV. Never get sick in Laos.

It’s easy to romanticize a life of travel. I did so myself before this trip! Social media paints a vivid beautiful picture of what it’s like to bop around Asia, Europe, wherever. I refuse to do that in my blog- at least not without balancing it with all the ugly parts. I couldn’t imagine the rest of my life without coming to Asia, I felt called to come and I did. I truly believe that this is one of the most beautiful moments of my life, but simultaneously the one of most challenging.

I’ve chatted with so many friends who want to come do what I’m doing- and I would say if you can make it work, come, but prepare yourself as much as you can mentally and physically for what you will see and experience. Are you coming to see the inside of a resort, or are you coming to get a glimpse into what life is like outside of your country? I suggest doing the latter, but be ready to push your limits, accept different standards for your own health and safety, and learn what it’s like to be a outsider.

I’m loving it, but I’m also tired. I craving a sense of routine I don’t get when I’m switching places every few nights and everyday is so different. I’m beginning to map out the rest of this trip. Maybe I’ll change my mind, or feel differently as time goes on, but I don’t know if being a (solo) nomad indefinitely is my path.

FUTURE PLANS

I’ve shifted my spending philosophy a little bit, instead of trying to budget tightly to keep this trip going as long as possible I’m spending money more freely on things I want even if it’s not the cheapest option. I’m still naturally a frugal person, but since I’ve been in Laos I’ve had a more equal split between private rooms in hotels and budget hostel dorms. I eat a mix of more expensive food and cheap local spots, and recently on the motorbike loop I did I paid for a few very informative tours. I think it’s actually making me enjoy my trip a lot more! I’m getting over my fear of spending and it’s made this trip feel like something more intentional and less like “living a normal life in another country cheaper than at home”. When I do eventually settle in one place I’ll have tangible skills and so much knowledge to serve me.

There are a few things I have to do before going home. I need to see Vietnam, to eat the food, drink all the robusta coffee, and learn about what really happened during the war, so I’m heading there in about a week after a full month in Laos. I also want to fulfill a lifelong dream to visit Japan, so I’m stopping there before I go back to the States. When I’m done in Vietnam, the weather in Japan will be very unpleasant. I think traveling to countries during their more difficult seasons has contributed to my complicated experiences so far! It’s hard to travel when it’s randomly pouring rain through the day or hellishly hot and humid. Instead of heading straight to Japan I’m looking into potentially getting a work and holiday visa for Australia and spending a few months there having a job and living a normal life.

Right now I’m in Don Det, an island in the far south of Laos, regrouping and figuring out my immediate next steps. As an American, I need to have a visa in advance to visit Vietnam, so I need to apply ASAP. I also need to make a final decision on which direction I’ll head ultimately- after Vietnam- and probably book a flight out of Hanoi to my next destination.