Since I last posted I’ve been all over! I went from Krabi to Hat Yai, crossed the border into Malaysia, stayed in George Town, Penang, and then traveled back through Bangkok to Chiang Mai where I am now. I’ve just hit a month into my trip and I’ve been taking time to really consider how this has been going and reevaluating the way I’m navigating certain things.

I caught a cold in Hat Yai that I thought I mostly got through but then it hit me harder in Malaysia. Feeling sick and gross while alone in another country with no really stable place to stay makes you forget why you’re out there in the first place.

I want to be real here, being here has been a mix of joys and challenges. I came to be challenged, and I’ve absolutely been challenged. Last week I had a moment in George Town that made me remember why I’m doing this.

I booked myself three days in a private room in an Airbnb over the weekend to rest. It felt like I was staying in a Scandinavian prison, or maybe an inpatient. My room has white, mostly bare walls, and no window, with a long florescent light on the ceiling. It’s pretty small, but I have a queen sized bed, a TV whose remote I haven’t even touched, and a fridge that isn’t exactly mini but also isn’t really normal sized. It’s barren but not what I would call sterile, it kind of reminds me of my old apartment in Seattle.

The room is in a heritage house a few kilometers outside the UNESCO Historic Site part of George Town. The floors are solid brown painted over wood board with splashes of white missed from the walls and the bathrooms have old fixtures routed out of the walls in questionable ways.

Even though it’s simple, and old in a way that straddles the line between beautiful and grimy, the house has everything I needed. Kitchenette, hot shower, and to my surprise (because I didn’t thoroughly check the listing) – laundry.

I checked out the next day, so I washed all my stuff in preparation to have a long travel day, and everything came out still caked with residue from the detergent powder! That’s what I get for always washing my clothes on delicate. I left my stuff on hangers out front to dry and suddenly was starving but I had no food, and had literally washed everything I have besides the pair of sleep shorts I was wearing. I haven’t had a big appetite and was hoping I wouldn’t get hungry again so I hadn’t prepared myself for the ability to leave the house again today.

I threw on a still damp t shirt and my phone and wallet into my fanny pack and made my way to a restaurant a couple minutes walk away that I had seen on Google maps and wanted to try. I crossed the street and placed myself awkwardly in a line of locals, feeling more and more anxious as I got closer to the front. I had no idea what any of the food was, how to order, when to pay.

That’s something I didn’t anticipate leaving the US, that everywhere I go the processes to do things I totally have a grasp on as an adult might be completely different. There’s a lot of beauty in it but also a lot of embarrassment. I am 23 years old and I don’t know how to shop, how to count money, how to eat, speak, dress, pray, and order outside of the context we have in America.

As much as I get anxious about it, often things work out completely fine. When I reached the front of the line the man behind the glass put a heaping scoop of rice on my plate. I meekly asked “Chicken?” while pointing at the wings and drumsticks behind him, like I wasn’t really sure if I was asking for him to give me chicken or if he even had chicken in the first place. He grabbed me a few pieces of chicken and a scoop of a veggie dish I pointed to from someone else’s plate then took over and started fixing everything, spooning curries, chutneys, sauces over my rice and chicken.

I grabbed the plate and my ticket, sat down with a drink from the cooler, and dug in with a fork and spoon. I have no idea exactly what the dishes are that I’m eating but I knew from one bite it was the best thing I’ve ate in Malaysia so far.

This is the magic moment I’m looking for. It’s a moment where through confusion, nerves, and cultural differences, things work out. It’s also a moment where I’m so thankful I’ve got myself to a point where I don’t have any major dietary restrictions.

ADAPTING

I came into this trip not knowing how long I would want to travel for- whether it be three months, six, a year, maybe longer? I still have no idea. There are moments where I think I’m ready to go home next week and then in the same day moments where I think I could just never go home.

I FaceTimed KD and talked to them about this, and they said that whether I’m aware of it or not, I’m still experiencing intense culture shock. I’ve been trying to frame all my experiences through a lens of excitement, and it’s not that what’s happening isn’t exciting, but it’s also more challenging than I’m giving myself credit for. I’ve always held myself to a very high standard, and coming to a different country wasn’t going to instantly change the person I am into someone who gives myself all the grace I deserve.

Maybe I’m not at a point where I’m giving myself enough grace, but I’ve certainly changed. I’ve had more new experiences in the past month than I’ve had in my whole life (expect maybe being an infant). I’m absolutely a different person than I was when I left, and give me another month and I’ll be different again. When you’re out here, it’s either become paralyzed and sink or adapt and swim. I’ve chose to adapt and swim even if it’s faster than I’ve ever had to adapt before.

I’m swimming but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t exhausting. I learned to swim at a young age but I’ve never been a particularly strong swimmer, just one who’s able to survive if I get stuck out in a body of water.

I came here looking for connection, a sense of purpose, and more of an idea of what I want to do with my life in the coming years. I haven’t found any of that in just a month but I have started to grow and develop resilience that I didn’t have in America.

Before Malaysia I spent time in Krabi Town and Hat Yai. I was warned that there wasn’t a whole lot to do in Krabi Town but I was very happy spending a few days there. I’m learning that so much of the travel advice that’s out there online and that you get from people you meet is very personal and subjective.

If you’re looking for night life, busy markets, and lots of activity, Krabi Town probably isn’t a place to stay. There’s a good balance of touristy and local, with Ao Nang and Railey beaches nearby, and tours daily to Koh Phi Phi and other islands in the area, a lot of folks transit through but there isn’t a lot of tourist attractions in the city itself.

In Krabi Town I spent a few days checking out cafes and visited a local temple for a brutal hike.

Coming straight from Koh Phangan I was excited to see the prices were a little more reasonable for food in Krabi than on the islands.

MORE FOOD FOOD FOOD

I’ve been sharing all my food highlights when I write these. If you’re reading this I want you to know that for every amazing dish I post about I eat a fair share of ones that weren’t for me.

I decided to check out a vegetarian restaurant in town one afternoon. It’s not a rule but the places that are packed tend to be great, and this spot was completely empty. To be fair I think they were nearing closing time, but I didn’t enjoy the food as much as I wanted to. I don’t think the food was bad but it just wasn’t for me.

I’ve been trying out a bunch of super local spots and it’s been exciting to get a little bit off the tourist track, try foods I’ve never had before, and that I would have a lot of difficulty finding in the states. Sometimes I find things I think are excellent but there’s a lot of food I try that I struggle to get through. I know someone must love it but growing up in America with no exposure to it my palate just isn’t adapted to enjoy it. I’ll try almost anything though, I haven’t had anything objectively bad, and (knocking on wood as I write) I haven’t gotten food poisoning yet.

Yesterday in Chiang Mai I got to try pork offal for the first time and blood based soup. I was nervous to try it because it’s not food we really eat in America but when I decided that I would give up being vegetarian to eat meat during this trip I also decided I would try whatever varieties and parts of animals I am offered. I don’t know if it’s something I would want to eat everyday but I’m glad I tried it! The soup was a little sour but pretty mild and not spicy at all, and the pork was super tender with almost a noodle like texture and fried garlic on top.

Most days I’m happy to eat fried rice, fruit shakes, thai omelettes, and don’t venture out of my comfort zone for every meal but when I do it’s rewarding.

In Hat Yai I fell in love with the little noodle restaurant across the street from my hostel and tried their tom yum noodles as a soup and dry. Tom yum is close to being a perfect dish for me, a blend of sour and a little sweet and umami. This version was served with pork balls and a soft boiled egg along with egg noodles, loaded up with lots of herbs. The first day I struggled to finish my meal not because it wasn’t delicious but the extremely friendly owner spoke a little English and came out from the back to chat with me while I tried to take bites of my soup.

I also enjoyed a 24 hour halal restaurant and had a plate of curry chicken and rice for around 40 baht ($1). It was super local and the woman I took my order from was trying to ask me if I wanted to dine in or take out and I absolutely couldn’t understand what she was asking so a guy that spoke a little English came up and helped me out.

BEING QUEER AND MAKING FRIENDS

I tried hard to not have any expectations coming here but it’s unavoidable. For the most part I’m feeling the feelings and having the experience I anticipated I would coming over! I eat a lot of amazing food and some that’s more challenging to get through and going from place to place is an adventure in itself. One thing that is completely different than I expected is how meeting and interacting with other travelers has been going.

Almost everyone I talked to about solo traveling and backpacking, and people I followed before I started talked about how quickly and deeply they would make friends while traveling. Of course there would be times where you’re alone or chose to diverge from what everyone else is doing but it would be easy and natural to fill your days exploring with people from your hostel. I also know people who have met someone in one place and ended up traveling together for some time!

This hasn’t exactly been my experience. I don’t know if things have changed since the beginning of the pandemic, or if I’m staying in weird hostels, or if it’s something I’m doing wrong but it feels like a lot of people are traveling in groups and keep to themselves, or are just not super friendly to me. It’s not to say I haven’t met nice people in my hostels I’ve kept in touch with, and some hostels were filled with social, welcoming people, but it’s been a very mixed experience. There’s been activities I wanted to do in cities that don’t make sense financially to do solo and it’s been particularly difficult to organize groups to go do stuff with.

I do think that people are social but it’s felt like my travel interests are different than what other people are trying to do, which I didn’t expect. I meet a lot of people that wouldn’t normally be the “kind” of people I would get to connect with back home and I think that’s been a good experience!

There’s also the factor of being queer that goes into it all. People do assume I’m gay, not all of time but often. I definitely don’t get read as trans at all while traveling which has been good for safety reasons, but it hasn’t always felt like a positive thing. I have hung out with people who are nice but express negative opinions of trans people when the topic comes up. It’s not constant but it does come up because trans issues are in the news and we are in a country where trans women are a (mostly) normal part of society. It’s not that I feel unsafe but I do feel uncomfortable.

Back home I was pretty open about being trans and it was very common and generally accepted in Seattle. It’s not that I announce it to everyone I meet but I’m open about it because it’s part of my life and by being open about it I weed out people who don’t like trans people naturally. Out here I am not open at all about being trans and don’t talk about being queer so I have started to get to know people who have turned out to be transphobic to whatever degree.

I am reconsidering the degree to which I’ve been stealth about being trans. I’ve started to tell more people I meet if it’s felt at all relevant to what we’re talking about and I’ve received a generally positive reaction! I haven’t been actively hiding the fact I am but there have been moments where someone says something to me assuming I’m cis and I just go along with it because it’s been easier. It doesn’t need to be the first thing I say to someone but I want to be open about it and build more community.

QUEER TRAVEL ETHICS

I visited Malaysia where queer locals are put in jail and gained for their identities and being queer is frowned on by most of society. There it was really valuable to be able to pass as cis (and straight!) and I would not have felt comfortable in the country if I didn’t. There was no point in my stay I felt unsafe but I felt an uncomfortable energy because I had to be more cautious in my conversations than anywhere else I had visited.

Malaysia was not always an anti-queer country. Like many places around the world there was a point in history where queer people played important and celebrated role in society and spiritual matters, as priests and performers. British colonialism in the region played a role in homophobia and transphobia today, with anti sodomy laws from Malaysia’s time as a British colony still standing today, but it isn’t the only influence. Post-British colonial times Malaysia has adopted a system where secular laws and Islamic Sharia law exists at the same time and this has shaped views of gender and sexuality in modern Malaysia.

I took some time to consider if it was ethical to spend my time and money in a country where being queer is illegal and consulted a lot of other blogs by queer travelers who had spent time in Malaysia. Even though it’s illegal and society as a who tends to be pretty socially conservative there is a queer community there and Malaysia is their home. It’s certainly more difficult for them than in other parts of the world but queer people born in Malaysia have to survive and find ways to thrive.

I also don’t want to act like the USA is a perfect haven for queer people. We have a lot of issues at home, a complicated political landscape, and there are parts of the country that are particularly unsafe for queer people that stand out from the norm. Even in cities and states that are considered more progressive queer people aren’t always safe. I know that I’ve personally faced verbal and physical confrontation through my life related to my identity.

Due to all of this, I felt comfortable coming to Malaysia for at least a short time. One major factor in this as well is that you can enter the country (as a American) visa free without paying anything at immigration. It would have been a different decision if I did have to pay to enter. I really didn’t have to directly pay money to a government who’s policies I didn’t agree with.

In Chiang Mai where I am now there are multiple temples where women are forbidden to enter. It is tradition but it’s something that doesn’t sit with me well. As a trans man who passes I have no barrier entering these places and I am open to doing so but I don’t want to pay an entrance fee if it is somewhere women cannot go because I don’t want to put my money and energy in that way perpetuating gender restricted holy spaces.

FINANCIAL REFLECTIONS

So I’m not including my one way flight to Bangkok from the beginning of the month in this calculation because I paid for this in January, that was $415 after taxes and flight insurance. I’m also renting a small storage unit in Seattle for $47 per month which I’m excluding. I decided to rent it because I needed to feel some security that I can return to the state and have all my essentials still, as a kind of insurance and comfort.

My total expenses for the month of May were about $900, excluding these two things.

Broken down this is approximately

TRAVEL INSURANCE – $45

ACCOMODATION – $250

My accommodations were beds in shared dorms and three nights in a private room in Malaysia via AirBnB.

TRANSPORTATION – $155

I tried to include every single time I paid for any sort of transportation! So this is everything from the busses/trains/boats I took long distances, public transport in cities, taxi rides, and scooter rental.

MISCELLANEOUS CASH PURCHASES – $480

I wish I could break this down further but I didn’t keep very through record of what I was buying outside of trying to stay within a daily budget of 1000 baht.

This includes almost all the food I ate, I dined out for every meal and didn’t buy any sort of groceries this whole month. The food I ate was 95% local cuisine. I ate western food maybe three times this past month? It was a mix of street food, outdoors restaurants, and a few upscale spots. I bought (sometimes multiple) coffees and tea everyday. A few nights a week I would have a beer and this varied from grabbing one at the 7-11 to getting craft beer in a high priced bar.\

I’ve gotten three massages this month, two Thai massages and a foot massage.

I also picked up some clothes- a pair of shorts, pants, and three shirts. A few times I ran out of toiletries (kept needing more sunscreen!!) or lost something from my bag and had to restock.

This also includes every entry fee and activity that I paid for, there weren’t many but I did have to pay to enter some places.

MISCELLANEOUS CARD PURCHASES – $13

Outside of hostel deposits, the metro in Bangkok, and booking some transportation online I almost had zero no use for a credit/debit card in Thailand.

This was for meals and coffee at two very bougie cafes in Malaysia.

AM I HAPPY?

I really didn’t spend much money this past month. Back home I budgeted for about $2000 a month of spending (while saving the rest of my income) and that was having a pretty frugal and simple lifestyle.

My quality of life this past month in many ways has been significantly higher than I allowed for in Seattle. Sure I’m living in dorm rooms with other people but the hostels are generally pretty upscale, clean, and comfortable. I eat delicious food everyday and fresh fruit quite often. I cooked almost every single meal at home and here I cook nothing. I’ve gotten a few massages. I walk anywhere from 5-8 miles most days and listen to my body. Some days I hike and explore while others I just sit and relax!

I have been pretty cautious and frugal with how I’ve been spending but I haven’t always chose the cheapest options for things. I’ve definitely made mistakes that have caused me to pay more than I should and sometimes I just want to pay more for something nicer. Most times I’ve wanted something I’ve just bought it, but I don’t want or need much to be satisfied.

In a way I feel like I spent to little money this month. There were times when there were excursions and tours available that seemed interesting but I just didn’t want to shell out the money. There wasn’t anything I regretted missing out on though, and I did a lot of self guided activities for cheap!

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WHAT NEXT?

I’m spending time now in Chiang Mai and this might be my favorite place I’ve visited in Thailand. I’m planning on spending the next week and a half or two in Northern Thailand then crossing the border into Laos before July because the rainy season will make it harder to travel on the muddy rough roads as it gets later into summer.

I want to spend my money a little differently this month and maybe shell out for more activities and tours I find interesting. I’m looking at doing a cooking class here in Chiang Mai and maybe some guided trekking in Laos if the weather is okay!